E36: "Don't Speak Ill of the Dead" Is B.S.—Why This Phrase Is Harmful to Grievers

Written By Shelby Forsythia

You've probably heard the phrase “don’t speak ill of the dead”—but what if the person who died hurt you? I'm breaking down how this common advice silences survivors, protects harmful legacies, and makes grief harder for people with complicated losses.

You’ll learn:

  • Why “don’t speak ill of the dead” is outdated, harmful advice

  • How this phrase impacts survivors of abuse, estrangement, or neglect

  • Three real examples of truth-telling obituaries and what they reveal

  • What to say when someone tries to silence your grief

Listen to This Episode:

You can also…
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Listen on Spotify | Listen on YouTube | Listen on Insight Timer

Or Watch on YouTube:

Get FREE grief workshops, quizzes, and so much more:

https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links

Keep Grief Grower ad-free by becoming a Patreon supporter:

https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia

 

Join my online course + community, Life After Loss Academy:

https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy

 

Listen to more episodes of Grief Grower and submit a question for the show:

https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast

Download the transcript for this episode here.

Shelby Forsythia

Shelby Forsythia (she/her) is a grief coach, author, and podcast host. In 2020, she founded Life After Loss Academy, an online course and community that has helped dozens of grievers grow and find their way after death, divorce, diagnosis, and other major life transitions.

Following her mother’s death in 2013, Shelby began calling herself a “student of grief” and now devotes her days to reading, writing, and speaking about loss. Through a combination of mindfulness tools and intuitive, open-ended questions, she guides her clients to welcome grief as a teacher and create meaningful lives that honor and include the heartbreaks they’ve faced. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, Bustle, and The Oprah Magazine.

https://www.shelbyforsythia.com
Next

E35: Supporting Someone #4: The 3 Painful Beliefs Every Griever Carries (and How to Respond)