5 Weird Grief Coping Strategies That Actually Work
There’s a societal script for “respectable grief” and it goes something like this: Cry a little. Go to therapy. Meditate, maybe. Journal about your feelings. Get “back to normal” around the one-year mark, if everything is operating “as it should.”
But what about the ways grief actually shows up?
Despite what movies, TV shows, music, and social media portray, grief doesn’t always look like controlled tears and private therapy. And it certainly doesn’t end after one year.
Sometimes it looks like cutting off all your hair, having conversations (out loud!) with inanimate objects, or engaging in an obsessive cereal-for-every-meal phase. Grief can manifest as a 3 a.m. video game marathon. A season where all you want is another piercing, another tattoo. A whole month where you wear the same hoodie at home, work, and out running errands.
Often times grief is bizarre, made up of odd rituals no one else notices, but that you—for whatever reason—need in order to keep going.
Are they weird? Sure. But that doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
This blog is a love letter to the weird ways we exist in relationship with grief—and why they might make more sense than you think. (So if you’re wondering “Am I weird for doing _______ while grieving?,” this one’s for you.")
1. Playing Tetris (or Other Video Games)
What it gives you: A sense of order, cognitive relief, and emotional regulation
If you’ve ever played Tetris or another sorting, puzzle, or strategy-based game on repeat after a loss, you’re not alone. In fact, you might be onto something.
A groundbreaking study published in PLOS ONE found that playing Tetris shortly after trauma reduced the buildup of intrusive visual memories. Researchers believe that the game’s visual-spatial demand interferes—in a good way—with traumatic memory consolidation.
In simpler terms? Games like Tetris give your brain something to do besides relive the trauma.
Now, this was a small study with a sample size of forty people, but this “weird” grief response actually makes a lot of sense.
It can be helpful for a spiraling, overwhelmed brain to participate in an activity with clear rules, controls, and goals.
Games that offer soothing patterns (like Stardew Valley, Candy Crush, or Animal Crossing) can also:
Reduce emotional overload
Provide predictable rewards when life feels chaotic
Help you feel a sense of accomplishment and task completion
Offer a form of safe escape that actually helps you return to yourself
If video games aren’t your thing, other nonviolent, pattern-based games with clear rules and goals such as crossword puzzles, the daily Wordle, Sudoku, card games, and board games be comforting to your brain.
As a bonus, many of these games can be played with friends—both over the phone and in real life—which can help you strengthen your connections in a season where it’s very easy to feel isolated.
“I played SO MUCH Mario Kart after my dad died. I’d spend a lot of time with family the first week, but when I was home it was video games. I think it’s the easiest way to shut your mind off and distract yourself. TV can be randomly triggering, you don’t want to leave the house, sleep comes with nightmares, but driving around in circles collecting coins is the perfect balance of distraction to pass the time.”
2. Talking to Inanimate Objects (and Meaning It)
What it gives you: Ongoing connection and emotional release
Whispering to a framed photo. Saying “goodnight” to your loved one’s favorited stuffed animal. Praying to a figurine. Placing your hand on a certain tree because it feels like them.
To outsiders, this behavior might look strange. But grief experts say this is one form of something called a continuing bond—a way to sustain your relationship with someone who’s died, rather than “letting go.”
As grief scholar Thomas Attig writes in How We Grieve:
“The continuing bond isn’t morbid or pathological—it’s a living connection that grievers nurture in their own way.”
Talking to inanimate objects, also known as anthropomorphizing, is a way to cope with loss and maintain a connection to someone who has died. This can involve sharing memories, expressing feelings, or simply seeking comfort from the objects associated with the deceased.
I once worked with a client whose son died. Each morning, she held a necklace with his thumbprint stamped on it in her hands and took ten minutes to speak to him as if he could still hear her. She said she felt more connected to him during the rest of her day and felt as if he was updated on all of the goings-on of her life.
3. Drastically Changing Your Appearance
What it gives you: A sense of control and an outward mirror for inner change
Grief can drastically impact your identity—and often, your reflection no longer feels like you. That’s why so many people dye their hair, chop it off, get piercings or tattoos, or overhaul their wardrobe after a loss.
Author Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn writes in The Empty Room about getting a tattoo to mark her sibling loss:
“I needed the pain, the mark, the reminder that I survived.”
When the world tells you to “go back to normal,” these outward aesthetic shifts say: There is no going back. There’s only going forward—real, raw, and visibly different.
Today, we don’t have formal mourning uniforms (in most Euro-centric cultures), so grievers often create their own:
Hair Changes
Shaving your head to reflect inner upheaval or symbolic rebirth
Dyeing your hair black, white, or bright colors
Cutting your hair drastically as a mark of "before and after"
Clothing Choices
Wearing all black by personal choice (vs. tradition)
Buying new clothes because old ones feel “tainted” by the before
Choosing soft, oversized, or “armor-like” clothing for sensory safety
Wearing a loved one’s personal clothing, shoes, accessories, or jewelry
Tattoos and Piercings
Memorial tattoos including names, dates, handwriting, potentially with a loved one’s ashes mixed into the tattoo ink
New piercings as a form of controlled pain release or body reclamation
Symbols tied to the deceased (stars, butterflies, initials)
“My hair is an archive of my grief. A collection of who and what I’ve loved and lost. A reminder of what I’ve survived.”
I cut my hair from mid-back length to a short bob as the second anniversary of my best friend’s death approached. (It was also Spring Equinox, which always feels like a “fresh start” time to me.) Tons of grievers resonated with the idea of a “grief haircut,” which I shared in this Instagram Reel:
4. Wearing a Grief Uniform
What it gives you: Relief from decision fatigue, physical comfort, and emotional safety
Grieving brains struggle with even basic choices. That’s why some people wear the same outfit—or type of outfit—for weeks or months after a loss.
This isn’t laziness. It’s decision fatigue, a real neurological side-effect of loss where making choices feels difficult or exhausting, because you’re in a life season where it feels like everything is changing.
Decision fatigue in grief is perfectly explained by therapist Megan Devine in a 2022 Instagram post:
“Even something as simple as deciding what to make for dinner can feel overwhelming. Grief itself is FULL of changes, minor and major, so you're already starting at low [mental] elasticity and capacity.”
Basically, when your mind is in survival mode, things that felt small before, like picking out a shirt to wear, can feel impossible.
For me, personally, I wore the same brand of colorful jumpsuit for months after my best friend died from COVID in 2022. I had three colors and rotated between them as I worked, ran errands, traveled, and spent time with friends. I called it my “grieffit” (a combination of “grief” and “outfit”) and a still lean on my “grieffit” when life gets particularly stressful or griefy.
You can see my post where I talk about my “grieffit” below:
5. Fixating on a Grief Meal
What it gives you: Familiarity, ritual, and sensory grounding
Grief has the ability to magically zap your appetite—or narrow it down to just a handful of things that “sound good.”
For me, it was toasted bread with mayo, dill, and scrambled egg. I ate it incessantly for weeks after my best friend died. Not because I loved it (although I do still love an open-faced sandwich with egg and dill) but because it was easy and predictable.
Many of my students report the same desire for easy, predictable food. When one client expressed shame for ordering so much DoorDash with the inheritance she received from her parent who’d died, we reframed it as her taking care of her grieving body in a way that was fast, low-effort, and effective. Her season of DoorDash grief meals wasn’t forever, but in the immediate aftermath of her parent’s death, it was a relief to have food she liked just show up on her front porch.
Grievers often find themselves repeating to one simple meal or a small rotating selection of foods. To be clear: this isn’t about disordered eating—it’s about self-soothing a life out of order.
In one of my favorite books about food and grief, Extra Helping, author Janet Reich Elsbach writes:
“Everyone has to eat… The things we survive have one common thread: if we got through it, we must have eaten something.”
In addition to reducing decision fatigue surrounding the ongoing need to feed yourself, smell and taste are directly tied to memory. A consistent, predictable grief meal can become a ritual of remembrance—a sensory way to say: I’m still here. Especially if your food is connected to a positive memory of a loved one, it can feel doubly nourishing to eat—comforting for both your body and your soul.
Closing Thoughts: Grief Doesn’t Have to Make Sense to Be Valid.
If you’re:
Playing video games on loop
Talking to photos, plants, or stuffed animals
Living in the same pair of sweatpants
Chopping off your hair
Eating the same three things over and over...
You are not broken. You are grieving. And your weirdness is wisdom.
It’s your unique way of coping with the many changes, upheavals, and secondary losses embedded in life with grief. And, as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others, it’s more than okay for your grief to present as a little bit odd. Grief IS weird, after all!
Want support from people who get the weirdness of grief?
Inside Life After Loss Academy, we don’t just talk about “moving forward.” We talk about building a life that includes your grief, honors rituals others might label as “weird”, and makes space for healing on your own terms.
We use my 5-step GRIEF Method to help you:
Get grounded, even when the world is spinning
Release old identities, hopes, and dreams loss took away
Integrate your loss into the life you're still living
Establish boundaries with people who aren’t supportive
Foster a relationship with grief that’s more friend than foe
If this blog felt like truth—or inspired you to let your inner weirdo grief flag fly—you’ll feel right at home in Life After Loss Academy.
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