12 Simple Texts That Actually Help Someone Grieving—Especially Around the Holidays

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For grievers, it’s never too early to start thinking about the holidays.

Just like they brace for death anniversaries and birthdays, many grieving people begin bracing for the holiday season weeks—sometimes months—in advance. It’s a season of my own life and grief that I refer to as “the tilt” where, similar to a rollercoaster tilting over the precipice of a steep drop, there is an unavoidable and emotional path ahead. From Thanksgiving through New Year’s, every grocery store jingle, festive dinner invitation, or cheerful commercial can feel like a griefy ambush.

So if someone you care about is grieving this time of year—whether that’s the death of a person, the loss of a relationship, a painful diagnosis, or a life that no longer looks the way they expected—it’s a sacred and beautiful act to reach out to them.

A simple text message can help you do just that.

You don’t need to overthink it. You don’t need to send a huge brick of text. You don’t even need a reply from them. All you need is a willingness to witness your grieving friend’s pain without trying to fix it or make it go away.

This blog features 12 simple texts, grouped into three categories that reflect what grieving people tell me they need most:

• Validation of their pain and grief

• Presence without pressure to be different

• Gentle, indirect reminders that life won’t always feel like this

These three categories are inspired by my book Of Course I’m Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving that includes tons more scripts just like these. So if this blog is helpful to you, be sure to check it out.

Texts That Validate Pain and Grief

Grief can feel overwhelming, and that overwhelm intensifies around the holidays when there is a pressure to put on a happy face for the sake of being festive. These texts normalize the ache and offer permission for your grieving person to feel exactly how they feel.

They're a much-needed alternative to phrases like “It’ll get better with time” or “Everything happens for a reason,” which often leave grievers feeling dismissed or rushed through their emotions.

Ultimately, these messages say: Of course this is hard. And it makes sense that you feel what you feel.

1. “Of course this is hard. The holidays magnify everything.”

This text acknowledges the invisible amplifier that grief puts on everything during this season. The lights are brighter, the silence is louder, the absence of what used to be is bigger. Let your grieving friend know their overwhelm, exhaustion, or sensitivity isn’t “all in their head”—things are harder right now.

2. “Whatever you’re feeling this week—rage, relief, numbness, sadness—it all makes sense to me.”

Many grievers experience a confusing mix of emotions, including some they don’t feel “allowed” to have—like anger, apathy, or even moments of joy. This text validates the full emotional spectrum, not just sadness.

3. “I imagine this season might feel extra tender. If you’re not feeling very ‘merry and bright,’ that’s okay.”

This gives your griever permission to opt out of forced cheerfulness. It’s uber helpful when you know they’re being bombarded by well-meaning invitations from friends and family who want them to perform happiness for the sake of others. It’s also a great one to send to parents or caregivers who feel pressure to be strong or to create holiday magic for their families.

Curious about using the phrase “I imagine” when supporting a griever? Check out my blog here.

4. “I know this season is full of memories and reminders of what used to be or could’ve been. It’s not just one loss—it’s every version of life you hoped would be happening right now.”

This text is particularly resonant for people navigating divorce, estrangement, infertility, chronic illness, or political violence. It honors that grief isn’t always about a person—it’s also about the life that should have been but didn’t get to happen.

Texts That Provide Presence Without Pressure

These messages don’t try to fix anything. They don’t require a reply. They simply offer presence, which grieving people consistently say is the thing they want most—compassionate witnessing without pressure to be better, happier, or different.

Compare that to the vague: “Thinking of you!” or “Let me know if you need anything.” While well-intended, these often place the burden back on the griever to reach out or translate your care into actual support.

These messages say: I’m not afraid to be with you in your grief—and I’ll keep showing up.

5. “No need to respond. Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and your grief today.”

This was one of my favorite texts to receive after my best friend, Tami, died, and an experience I write about in my book Of Course I’m Here Right Now. My dear friend Emily sent me messages like this for months. She never expected a reply. She just quietly reached out through the fog of grief over and over again. That kind of quiet consistency is rare—and unforgettable. It may seem very small to you as someone supporting a griever, but to your grieving friend, it means so much.

6. “I haven’t forgotten the fact that you’re grieving [insert loss: your dad/your marriage/your cancer diagnosis] this holiday season.”

Simple. Honest. Present. This message acknowledges exactly what your griever is mourning and reminds them that they are not forgotten in their grief. In a world of “move on” and “get over it,” this sentiment is a blessing. Someone else—you—remembers their pain, as well as the fact that this holiday season is likely saturated with grief.

7. “If you want company to cry, watch garbage TV, or walk around the park—I’m game.”

This text offers small, realistic options without pressure. Be sure to substitute your own options, specifically if you’re supporting someone long-distance. For example, you might offer to stay on the phone with them while they wrap presents or be an “out” for them to leave a holiday party. Make it clear that you are a welcome place for the messiness of grief and that your friend doesn’t need to clean up their emotions—or their house—for you.

8. “Hey. I know we haven’t talked in a while, but it’s the holidays and grief can be loud this time of year. Ignore me if you need to, but I’ll check on you same time next week.”

My grieving clients and students often say: “People stopped showing up after a few months.” This message is the antidote to that. By promising to check in again, and removing the pressure to reply, you show up with steadiness instead of silence. Especially if you haven’t reached out to your griever in a while, the holidays are a great time to begin again.

Texts That Offer Gentle, Indirect Hope That Things Won’t Always Be or Feel This Hard

These messages don’t minimize grief, or skip ahead to a silver lining. They simply place a soft cushion around the pain and say: You feel this now, but it won’t feel like this forever.

You’re not saying “You’ll be fine.” And you’re not saying “You have so much to be grateful for!”

That’s a big difference.

9. “You don’t have to feel festive. You don’t have to feel anything. Just get through this day—hour by hour, if you need to.”

This is a survival-oriented message that lowers the bar from “merry and bright” to “still breathing.” It’s one of the most compassionate things you can say and it’s extra-helpful if there’s a big event like a work party or a holiday gathering you know your grieving person has to attend. Bonus points if you follow up with them in a day or a week to see how they’re doing.

10. “Right now, it’s okay to feel ‘small joy’ instead of ‘big joy.’ I hope today brings you one good thing whether that’s a nap with the cat, a positive memory, or finding a coin on the ground.”

Grief is often all-consuming, and many grievers struggle with the belief that “the pain will be exactly like this forever and ever. This belief rings specifically true for death-related losses, where a person or pet is, in fact, gone forever. This text creates space for small moments of comfort without expecting your grieving friend to be okay overall. It’s also a gentle way of reminding them that good can still exist, even in hard seasons. Customize the text with two or three things you know feel good to them.

11. “You don’t have to figure out how to get through all of the holidays for the rest of your life. You just have to get through this holiday, in this season. Our job is to tend to what hurts right now. We can worry about next year next year.”

This message is especially grounding for people in active crisis: recent deaths, new diagnoses, fresh breakups, estrangement, or identity shifts. It reminds them that healing doesn’t happen all at once; it happens in pieces over time. It’s also a reminder that it’s okay to scale down the scope of grief to this moment—instead of looking ahead to the entire rest of their life.

12. “You can skip the holiday cards, the group texts, the New Year’s resolutions this year. None of it is mandatory. It’s okay to take a break from this holiday season if that feels good.”

This one’s a fantastic permission slip that subtly points out the fact that most holiday traditions are not required activities. It names the pressure many grievers feel to keep up appearances or do what they’ve done in years past—and gently says, “It’s okay to do you this year.”

Closing Thoughts: A Little Text Goes a Long Way

Every one of these texts does what so few people are willing to do after a loss: Tell the truth. Make space for grief. Show up.

There’s no perfect message. But there are better-than-cliché messages—ones that don’t erase pain, but accompany it. Ones that don’t rush healing, but honor it.

So instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” or “Just stay busy!” try:

• “Of course this is hard.”

• “No need to respond. Just thinking of you.”

• “In this season, it’s okay to take care of your grief.”

This season might be full of broken traditions and tender days for the grieving person you care about. But your text—your tiny thread of connection—can help them feel just a little more tethered to the world.

So go ahead. Send the text. (Then maybe send another one next week.)

For more tips on comforting someone who’s grieving—during the holidays and all year round—check out my book Of Course I’m Here Right Now. It’s a short guidebook full of practical scripts for supporting someone grieving using words as your free, accessible tool. Because in a world where we’re often too busy or too broke to coordinate casserole drop-offs or help a griever get financially back on their feet, language is the best way to connect, show care, and comfort—whether in-person or from a distance.